Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
