Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't deserve a penis
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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