I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
