just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
