I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
