I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Less talking, more tequila
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
