I CAN MOONWALK!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
