...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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