i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She told me I should be a condom model.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
