I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I look better un-naked...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
