just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
