normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
