no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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