That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
