Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
