these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
