I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
