did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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