WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
