our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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