I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
