I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
