Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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