just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
