You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
