I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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