i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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