Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
