She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
