i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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