girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
