The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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