you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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