If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
