Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
There's even glitter on my cock...
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