Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
