This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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