I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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