So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
