Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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