fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
