Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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