So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
