RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just found a bag of teeth...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
