have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
