somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
