You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
