Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
