I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
