After last night, I could never be a politician.
I smell stomach acid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
