I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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