and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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