I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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