Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
