Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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