my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
