They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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