i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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