My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
