K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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