ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
