I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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