I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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