my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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