I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
