i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
