hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
