Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
