I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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