we should wear snuggies to the strip club
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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