I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
