I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
