If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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