I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will be naked everywhere
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
