I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
