Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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