he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
