I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
