Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
True college students do jello shots in the library
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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