We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
