drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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