so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
